It's common for people to know that when they have sex for the first time after learning of their spouse's affair, they could have some difficult feelings as a result. Many are fully aware that it may be awkward or it may cause feelings of anger or even indifference. But some people datemyage.com review are surprised when they feel sadness instead.
I might get a comment like:
"it has been six weeks since I found out about my husband's affair. I
kicked him out to begin with. I wanted no part of him. But the kids missed him
and they did not understand what was happening. And he called and tried to come
by every day - crying about how sorry he was and carrying on. So I started
letting him come over on weekends and then every time Monday would roll around,
he would beg to stay. I started letting him come over sometimes during the week
and one night last week, he slept over and we ended up having sex. I most
definitely did not intend for that to happen. Because I was afraid that it
would be bad. I am very insecure as to whether or not he is still attracted to
me. datemyage.com I mean, if
he was truly attracted to me, he would not have cheated, right? Well, the sex
was awkward. My husband clearly tried to overcompensate because he was very
attentive and loving and that is not his normal way. So in the back of my head,
I was thinking that he was just faking and I almost could not wait for it to be
over because I had thoughts of him and her and then of him faking it with me. I
tried to pretend that everything was OK but when he left, I just started
sobbing. I felt so sad. And it wasn't all about the awkwardness of the sex. It
was more about the fact that I remembered how wonderful sex used to be between
us and how natural it felt before this all happened. This is all so sad and
such a waste."
I understand what you are feeling.
And, it's quite normal. I'd like to stress that one bad experience does not
mean that your marriage is sentenced to always feeling uncomfortable or to
having bad sex from here on out. Nor does it mean that you have to resume
having sex since you've done it once. You get to decide how you want to proceed
from here and you can chose to not allow yourself to be pressured or to set the
pace that feels most comfortable to you. Sure, your husband would undoubtedly
like to be in his own home with his family, but you may not be ready yet. datemyage And it is
really up to you whether you are ready to have him there in that capacity.
I always found that physical sex
was often affected by how I felt emotionally. If you have not healed yet (and
six weeks could be too soon) then the sex isn't likely to be great. It wasn't
mentioned whether there was counseling or any plan to facilitate healing. But
just spending time together on the days that he comes home probably isn't going
to adequately address all of the issues. It's very hard to have great sex when
the issues are still between you.
Also, I know why you assume that
he's faking it. I had the same worries. But it is possible that he is trying to
go out of his way to show you how much he cares and how sorry he is. He may not
know exactly how to say or express this with words so he is trying to do it
physically. Eventually though, expressing it with honest and straight forward words
is going to be needed. Because until you can both do that, you are both going
to have questions and doubts. You can grapple along physically, but because you
are not there emotionally, you are likely to always know that it is just not
right. And you deserve better than that.
It is very normal to feel sad
because there is a loss after infidelity. You know that things have changed
through no fault of your own. It's a very frustrating, helpless feeling that I
do not think that people fully appreciate or understand.
However, I do not want for you to
think that this goes on forever because it doesn't. You do feel better in time
and, as healing takes place, that helpless feeling begins to wane because you
feel your sense of control at least partially return. Sex can get better also,
but I would not rush this. I don't see a benefit in doing so. It can mix things
up with you emotionally - which can also affect the sex so it becomes a
negative cycle. I always found that it pays to keep things simple when you focus
on emotions and healing initially, and then you worry about the sex when it is
more appropriate to do so.
What you are feeling is normal and
understandable. There is loss right now, but as you take some of your control
back and begin to prioritize healing, you will hopefully see some relief in the
sadness. Take it one day
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