Most of the time, when you get the marriage proposal that you have been waiting for, it's a time for relief and celebration. It should be one of the most exciting times of your life. Unfortunately, this can all be negated if you fear that you got the proposal because your significant other has cheated on you and is trying to show his remorse and commitment datemyage.com review by asking you to marry him. This is usually not the way that you wanted it and you are not sure how to proceed from here.
Someone might say: "I've been
hoping to get married to this man for quite some time. But he always had a
reason why the timing wasn't right. Last week, I found out that he'd been
cheating on me with an old girlfriend. When I caught them, he immediately left
her and went running after me. He promised that he would never see or
communicate with her again. I told him I wasn't sure if this was going to be
enough for me. I told him that I wasn't sure that our relationship could work
with this type of damage. A couple of days later, he showed up at my place with
an engagement ring. He said that he was so sorry that he messed things up in
the way that he did. And this whole thing has made him realize that it is me
that he loves and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I would
have loved to have heard this two weeks ago. But now it is tainted. Now I feel
like he's just doing datemyage.com this
because I caught him cheating. At the same time, I sort of want to accept the
proposal because I've wanted to marry him from the first moment I saw him. I
don't understand how he can possibly be proposing now and I told him I couldn't
make a decision right away."
I know that this must be very
confusing for you. And it's awful that you can not have the excitement that you
deserve. And I think that this should be a red flag that now is not the ideal
time to proceed with an engagement or marriage. You likely already know this
which is why you're not feeling the elation that a woman would typically feel
just after she has been proposed to. That's why you were right to delay an
answer.
Potential Reasons For The Proposal:
As to why he proposed, he is probably being truthful when he says this made him
realize that he loves you and doesn't want to lose you. This is often the
genuine response that people have. But it is also sometimes a way (even if it
is not a conscious thought) to have the affair "go away" and to speed
up the whole "moving on" part. He figures that if he gives you what
you both know that you want, you'll be more forgiving toward him and more
willing to move on quickly. datemyage The
problem is that if you do this, you gloss over the issues and you are therefore
vulnerable to this coming up again in the future.
Using The Potential Marriage As
Motivation To Heal First: Because you want your marriage to be lasting and
healthy, perhaps you could use this event as motivation for him to do what
needs to be done toward healing.
You might try something like:
"you know that I would love to marry you. But things have changed now
because of the infidelity. We can't start out a marriage before we have healed
this. I'd like to see if we can do that, but I need your cooperation. I'd like
to have a counselor help us to heal. If this works, then I would not be opposed
to getting married. But I want to start our marriage with the confidence that
we have moved past this and have worked through the issues that lead to this.
It's bad enough to deal with infidelity when you are not yet married. I do not
want to deal with it as a married couple. So will you go to counseling with me?
Let's take it one step at a time. Let's think about healing first and then if
that all works out well, we can think about marriage further down the line once
we are able to move past this."
I know that part of you probably
wishes that you could quiet those doubts in your mind, get married, and move
on. But I can tell you from experience that those voices may haunt you until
you do the work to heal. Truly, for me, healing was the only thing that gave me
confidence in my marriage and in my husband again. I don't believe that you can
truly have the confidence until you do the work.
No one is saying that you have to
take marriage off the table forever. But it makes sense to wait until the
relationship has healed. Because getting married should be a wonderful, happy
time. You don't want to have to worry if he's going to cheat again. So it makes
sense to heal and then remove those doubts so that when you go get married,
there is nothing else to think about other than just enjoying, and fully
experiencing, that day with an open-heart and a clear-mind.
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