Nothing is as frustrating and as hurtful as finding out that the husband who is begging you to save your marriage after his affair is still reaching out and staying in contact with the other woman. datemyage.com review This can leave you wondering which one is pursuing the other, if he is out-and-out lying to you, and, if so, why he would be continuing to lie in this way.
I might hear from a wife who says:
"my husband has been having an affair with someone who goes to our church.
I walked in on them looking very intimate with one another at church. I knew by
their body language that something was wrong. It took a while for my husband to
finally admit to this, but I kept at him until he did. And he broke down and
started saying that he didn't want to lose me and so he was begging me to try
to save our marriage. I thought about this for a couple of days because I was
really tempted to just walk away. I ultimately didn't because of my children,
but also because I don't want to have to leave my church. So I told him that I
would give him the chance to prove to me that our marriage should be saved.
Based on how upset he seemed when he was begging me to stay, I expected him to
pull out all of the stops where our marriage was concerned. But then I go to
church this Sunday and I walk in on them whispering all over again. They both
had guilty looks on their faces, like they were doing something wrong. My
husband claims that she sought him out and that he wasn't doing anything wrong.
datemyage.com I don't
believe him. Not in the least. Why would he claim that he wants to save our
marriage and then continue to see her? Is he just a liar? Is he just being
cruel? Did he intend to break it off but then saw her and was not be able to
resist? I just do not get it."
Any answer that I give you will
quite frankly be speculation on my part. However, I do get a lot of
correspondence from men in this situation and I can suggest some possibilities.
That said, you may not know which possibility is correct until you have more
information or until enough time has passed for you to better gauge the
situation. But, here are some possible reasons that you're seeing this
contradiction.
He May Be Telling You The Truth: I
know that it is shocking and upsetting to see them together once again. But,
how do you know that she didn't pursue him or follow him when he was minding
his own business? I know that it's perfectly natural to expect the worst of a
man who has already lied and cheated. But sometimes, it is the other woman who
is doing the pursuing and the husband is sincere when he says that he wants to
(and is trying) to save his marriage. I know that it's frustrating that you can
only datemyage speculate.
But, his future behavior is going to give you more information. Because if he
is sincere, he will continue to show the behaviors typical of a man who is
trying to save his marriage. He will come home on time, be loving and sincere,
and stay by your side while at church.
He May Feel One Thing When He Is
With You And Another When He Is With Her: It's not at all unusual for a man to
completely believe what he is saying when he tells his wife that he wants to
save his marriage and then lose his resolve when the other woman is begging him
to reconsider. That's why it's so very important that he stays away from her.
I know that you don't want to leave
your church and I understand that, but I would let the husband know that it's
expected that he stick close to you while there. That way, you won't have to
worry about the two of them being caught together once again. If he is with you
for the entire time, she can't approach him and he can't sneak away.
It's vital that he understands that
his reaching out to the other woman in any way is in direct contrast to his
claims of wanting to save your marriage. It helps if he understands that if he
does this again, you will need to reevaluate. Sometimes, he needs to know that
you are serious about not tolerating him contacting or seeing her in any way,
shape, or form.
I would suggest watching his
behavior closely in the days to come. If he stays away from her and acts like a
man who truly does want to save his marriage, that does say a lot. If you catch
him contacting her again or he doesn't make good on his promises regarding the
marriage, then this says a lot about his intentions also.
Many people tell me that it's very
hard to just abruptly break off the affair, especially when the other person is
still pursuing them. But I often respond that it may be difficult, but it is
absolutely necessary and it is non negotiable. If someone is really serious
about saving their marriage after their affair, they make their spouse their
first priority and they stay away from the other person. Sometimes, it takes
them a while to realize this, though. You can help by making your expectations
perfectly clear and defining what you can not accept.
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